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By Michael Fehlauer
Long-term healthy relationships are possible. There are fundamental skills, as well as a perspective in the way we approach our relationships, that enable us to experience solid friendships. The people we allow into our world either add to our lives or subtract from our lives. What are the characteristics of the type of friends that add to us? Here are six attributes of great friends:
1. They allow the friendship to be governed by the law of love Three characteristics of love are acceptance, understanding and commitment. The opposite of these is judgment, rejection and manipulation.
When your friends love conditionally, their hope is that your desire for their acceptance will be strong enough to cause you to change your behavior. Inadvertently, they are manipulating you to strive for their acceptance.
2. They are secure enough to celebrate your worth - Great friends are secure in their own worth which gives them the liberty to celebrate your worth and accomplishments. The kind of friends that add to your life arent driven by jealousy, but will always encourage you to achieve your fullest potential.
3. They speak words of faith - Im sure youve heard the saying, Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Most of us can remember times when we have been subjected to hurtful words, careless comments or have been victims of gossip. We know how painful those times can be. Real friends communicate words of encouragement, hope and faith.
4. They perform unconditional acts of kindness Another mark of healthy relationships are ones where acts of service dont come with a price tag. Genuine friends refuse to guilt others in order to get their way. True friends extend themselves without expecting something specific in return.
5. They are patient Patience is the willingness to bear pain. We all have our weaknesses and imperfections. Patience is the ability to bear the weaknesses of others. Healthy friends will focus on your strengths and patiently bear your weaknesses.
6. They dont bring up the past A final characteristic of healthy relationships are those friends who dont make it a habit of saying, I told you so. These friends never use your past to get the upper hand in the relationship. True friends dont keep a record of offenses or mistakes in your relationship. Ralph Waldo Emerson says, A man is entitled to be valued by his best moments.
Conclusion
You may read these six points and long for the kind of friends described here. I want to suggest instead of making your goal to have those kinds of friends, decide rather that you are going to be that kind of friend. If you will do that, youll have no shortage of healthy relationships.
